Disappoint You

Andy Livingston
Andy Livingston


Initially, it was a song to apologize to my children who would never be born. I was still being told by some people, “You can get married, you can do it!” as if they were cheering me on in some 5K. More like a marathon, where every year would be another uphill mile. I’m sure they meant well. The same people telling me all this were the same friends who were getting married themselves, and subsequently fading away from my stage. People kept slipping through my hands, and I was trying everything I could to stop time, but touching your index fingers together was apparently only a television trick. There was this guy also. He was dating someone (of course) and every time I looked at her, I couldn’t help but think, “You lucky little tramp.” It was around this time that I began to close myself off emotionally from people. What’s the use, I thought, if every time I allow someone in, I’m just left empty in the end?

Sometimes there’s nothing you can do but pull the plug when you can see the flat line. “At least he went out peacefully.” I don’t know that gives me much comfort anymore.


Sorry to disappoint you
sorry for trying too hard
there’s just too much between my
ugliness and my beautiful
why can’t we stay
he went out peacefully so they say
I found a metal ladder
under the garden wall
and I couldn’t help but hear you
whispering about sacrifice
so maybe I’ll try escaping
maybe I’m masochistic
maybe your could-be love will
kill me or cure me
either way
I came too late
could it be there has been some mistake
why can’t we stay
he went out peacefully, so they say
I’ve got the notion that
some lucky girl will breathe in his ecstasy the air in here it’s atmosphere
I’ll write you letters from the other side of the veil if I’m not there to tuck you in
sorry to disappoint you

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